Loving Alone
by dramaqueen
Summary: Draco is feeling all alone in the world as he tries to deal with his feelings for Harry. (Rated PG for slash)
1. So Alone

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
  
  
Early morning sunlight was already beginning to shine through Draco's dorm room window by the time he finally got to sleep. Not that this was anything new.  
Things had been bad enough towards the end of his sixth year after Crabbe had left Hogwarts to move abroad with his family. School just hadn't been the same with only two of them to torment the other students.   
But at least then there had been two of them.   
  
He had been staying with his cousins in New York when he had heard the news.   
Even now, eight months on, Draco could clearly remember the feeling that welled up inside him when he had read the letter from home. He remembered hoping that it was just some extremely cruel prank, played on him by one of the many people whose lives he had made hell over the years. No such luck.  
  
Returning to Hogwarts after that summer had been excruciating. Not only because it was filled with the memory of his late friend, but also because Draco couldn't let anyone see how upset he was. He had worked so hard at hiding his feelings from his family, he wasn't about to let the losers at school see how much he was hurting.  
  
Every night, when his roommates were asleep, Draco would sit up in bed and cry as silently as possible.   
He hated himself for being so weak. But not as much as he hated the confusion. He was confused as to what made him most weak; being unable to let those around him know that he was grieving, or the simple fact that he *was* grieving.  
He was confused by other feelings too.   
  
For about a year now Harry and Ginny had been an item. And for about a year, Draco had felt what he could only describe as jealousy whenever he saw them together.   
What was even more confusing for him was the part where a voice in his heart screamed out that it wasn't Ginny that he wanted so badly. No matter how much his head told him that was the only available option.  
  
As their final exams grew closer and closer, Draco's feelings towards Harry grew stronger and stronger.  
Day in, day out, Draco told himself he was imagining the pain in his heart that increased each time he saw how happy Harry was with Ginny.  
It wasn't the prospect of being gay that bothered him so much, (although he was terrified of how his parents would react if that proved to be the case,) but rather it was the concept of being in love with Harry Potter of all people that freaked Draco out the most.  
But after awhile he could no longer deny it. Not to himself anyway.   
  
Harry was on his mind twenty-four/seven. He felt happier around Harry than he ever had in his entire life. And Harry was the reason that he had not had a decent night's sleep in ten weeks.  
  
With Crabbe on the other side of the world and Goyle dead, he spent most of his time alone.  
That combined with his deep yet unrequited love for the one person he knew he could never be with, Draco was lonelier than he had ever imagined possible.  
  
Every night, as the dusk turned to dawn, Draco Malfoy was loving alone. 


	2. The Library

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
  
Chapter 2   
  
Draco Malfoy looked down at the massive pile of books on the desk in front of him, clueless as to which to start reading first.  
It was seven o'clock in the evening and most of the students were in their common rooms, studying and socialising. But Draco couldn't face being surronded by people. Especially Slytherins. So, instead, he was sitting in the almost deserted school library, looking helplessly at the covers of books that he was supposed to be using to revise.   
  
His exams were a matter of weeks away, but despite spending most of his evenings alone in the library, he had not yet even opened a book. All he did was think about Harry. That was all he ever did think about lately.  
  
No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get Harry's face out of his mind;  
his beautiful big eyes, perfectly framed by his round glasses. His unruly dark hair, constantly in a tangled mess. His infamous lightning shaped scar.  
In Draco's eyes, that scar embodied everything that he loved about him. His strength, his bravery, his vulnerability. It also reminded Draco of all of the pain that Harry had suffered.   
  
If he could of taken that pain away, he would of done it. Even if it meant he had to feel it himself.  
He would do anything for Harry. Anything to make his life easier and to make him happy.   
That's what made seeing Harry and Ginny together so agonising.  
  
Ever since he had started dating Ginny Weasley, Harry had been happier than Draco had ever seen him.   
And this killed him. Seeing Harry so happy and not being the one responsible for that happiness. Wishing for him and Ginny to brake up, and yet knowing that that would devastate him.  
It was more than Draco could bare.  
  
In just a few short months, their exams would be over, and Draco would never see Harry again.   
The mere thought of that terrified him.  
So, as he sat alone in the library, he made a decision that would change his life forever.  
  
He was going to tell Harry how he felt. 


	3. The Letter

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Looking down at the letter he had just written, Draco knew that if he didn't take it to the owlery soon, he never would.  
Taking a deep breath in order to prepare himself for what he was about to do, Draco folded up the letter and put it into the already addressed envelope.  
Then, sealing it shut, he headed out of the room, all the time thinking about what he had written...  
  
Dear Harry,   
  
as you are reading this I will probably be asking myself what the hell possessed me to write it.  
The answer to that is simple. You.  
I've always known my feelings towards you are strong, and for six years I thought I hated you.  
I couldn't have been further from the truth. After all, if I hated you, why would it kill me to see you with *her*?  
See how pathetic you've made me Potter? I can't even bring myself to write a stupid name.  
  
I'm not blind. I've seen the way you look at her. Even a fool can see how much you love her, and I'm not expecting you to stop.  
I just thought that it was time you knew what you're doing to me. Every time I see you my heart beats twice as fast and my legs go weak.   
*I* couldn't believe it at first either. But now I can no longer deny it. You're all I've been thinking about for months now.  
  
I can't sleep, study, or do anything anymore. I keep dreaming of you dumping Weasley and running into my arms.   
  
You've turned my world upside down Harry Potter. No. Scrap that. You *are* my world.  
  
I love you.  
Yours Forever,   
Draco Malfoy 


	4. Awake

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
(Oh, and thanks to all of my reviewers!)   
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Once Draco had taken the letter to the owlery, he headed straight back to his room, all the time wondering if he had done the right thing or not. Either way, it was too late to change his mind now.  
  
That night he didn't get any sleep. Even after the sun had come up, he still lay awake in bed.   
Every time he closed his eyes he saw Harry's face. He pictured him reading the letter and imagined all of the different reactions that he might have to it.   
His favorite was the one where he ran to him, declaring his own feelings of love and announcing that he would end his relationship with Ginny as soon as he saw her.   
  
But, as much as Draco enjoyed thinking about that scenario, he knew that it was highly unlikely that it would actually happen. In fact it was pretty much impossible.  
  
As he sat slowly up in bed, watching the early morning sunlight stream in through the window, Draco realised that *he*, Draco Malfoy, was crying.  
Wiping the warm tears from his pale cheeks with the side of his hand, he collapsed back down on to his warm mattress.  
  
Since starting at Hogwarts he had become familiar with the muggle saying 'love hurts'. It was at that moment that he realised exactly how true it really was.   
By now the tears were pouring down his face, and he had to bite his lip to prevent himself from crying out in pain.  
  
He wrapped his slender arms tightly around his chest and wished that the hurting would stop.   
He couldn't go on if it didn't. It ate away at him inside, making him want to crawl up in a corner and die.  
That wasn't something that Malfoy's were supposed to feel.  
  
If Harry didn't return his feelings, or his own didn't go away soon, Draco had no idea as to what he would do. 


	5. The Great Hall

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
(Oh, and thanks to all of my reviewers!)   
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
As he got closer and closer to the Great Hall, the feeling of terror grew stronger and stronger.  
If the owl that Draco had given the letter to had delivered it the previous night, Harry would have already read it. Alternatively, if the owl had waited until that morning, Harry would be getting the letter right there in front of everyone. Draco didn't know which of those two options he would prefer. All he did know was that, one way or another, his relationship with Harry was about to change forever.  
  
The Slytherin table was almost full by the time he sat down, making sure he had a direct view of Harry.  
As he watched the way Harry was acting with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione, he became certain that the owl was yet to deliver the letter.   
It was just as Draco was positive that Harry was still oblivious to his feelings when the Great Hall filled with owls.  
Barely able to take his eyes off of the object of his affections, Draco froze as he saw a small envelope fall into his lap.  
  
Absent-mindedly prodding at a piece of toast, Draco watched as Harry opened the letter and began to read.  
Quickly looking away as Harry purposefully looked in his direction, he really did wonder what had ever possessed him to write the stupid thing. But, just as he had written the night before, he already knew the answer. And it was slowly getting up and leaving the room.  
Making sure no-one was looking, Draco got up and followed 'it' out of the Great Hall.  
  
Unfortunately, Ginny had had the same idea, only she had reached him first.   
Hiding behind a nearby statue, Draco watched as Ginny wrapped her arms around Harry and then kissed him.  
For the second time in a matter of days, Draco found himself crying. And, for the first time in his life, Draco felt his heart braking. 


	6. Crying

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
(Oh, and thanks to all of my reviewers!)   
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Ginny finally led Harry back into the Great Hall, and Draco ran as quickly as he could towards the Slytherin wing.  
It was all so unfair. A poor, unimportant weasel didn't deserve someone as beautiful and amazing as Harry. But Draco did. He loved The-Boy-Who-Lived more deeply than he had ever believed a Malfoy could love.   
  
When Draco reached his room he collapsed onto his bed and let the tears flow freely. Ever since he had realised his true feelings for Harry, Draco had become a shadow of his former self.   
He no longer threw insults around as a way of passing the time, and he could feel himself growing weaker by the day. And it was all Harry's fault. He owed him big-time and there was only one thing he wanted from the bespectacled wizard.   
If he could have Harry for even just one night he would be content. But he knew that could never be.   
  
The once malicious teenager had always been used to getting whatver he wanted. What he wasn't used to was wanting some*one* as opposed to some*thing*. He had no idea as to how to go about making Potter his and it was driving him crazy with jealousy. Ginny had a family that would always love and protect her, and friends that cared about her. So why did she have to have The-Boy-Who-Should-Be-Draco's? Okay, so Draco was rich and didn't share his name with an American State, but money no-longer held much meaning with him and Draco wasn't exactly a normal name. In his eyes, Virginia Weasley was the luckiest person in the world.   
  
Sitting up on his bed, he wiped away the tears that streaked his face and smoothed down his robes. He couldn't hide away forever. Sooner or later he would have to go to class and face Harry. Frankly, he would prefer it to be later, but he knew that his roommates would be back to get their books any minute now and he refused to let them see him cry. After all, he did have a reputation to protect.   
  
Gathering his things together Draco performed a quick spell to ensure no one could tell that he had been crying and headed for the door.   
After pulling the door open he froze in shock at what, or rather who, he saw on the other side...  
Harry. 


	7. Confrontations

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited?) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
(Oh, and thanks to all of my reviewers!)  
  
  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Once Draco had recovered from the initial shock of seeing Harry waiting outside his dorm room, he noticed that he was holding something silvery in his hands. The Slytherin immediately knew that what Harry held was an invisibility cloak and that that must be how he got through the portrait.  
  
"You should let me in before someone sees me." As Harry spoke there was a glint in his eye that Draco found almost impossible to resist.  
  
"Isn't that what the cloak's for? Or do you just use it to make it easier for you to humiliate people?" Draco asked The-Boy-He-Loved.  
  
"I used the cloak so I wouldn't be seen by the group of girls I followed in order to get in here. And as for humiliating you, I've only told Ginny about the letter and I plan on it staying that way."  
  
"Well what *do* you want?" Draco demanded. However, before Harry could answer they both heard voices that were quickly getting closer. Donning his cloak, Harry disappeared from site just as Dracos roommates arrived at the dorm.  
  
To Draco it felt as if forever had passed before the other Slytherins left the room. Once the door shut behind the last of them Harry reappeared, sitting on Draco's bed and gazing intently up at the blonde wizard.  
  
"Either say something or get out Potter."  
  
Wordlessly Harry got up and walked towards Malfoy, all the time looking directly into his eyes.  
  
"I said..." but before Draco could repeat what he had said Harry put his lips on Malfoys and kissed him tenderly.  
  
"I heard you." Harry murmered once they had pulled apart.  
  
"But...what..." a stunned Draco mumbled incoherantly.  
  
"Ginny and I are still together, so we can't be...well...anything at the moment." The famous wizard told his old enemy.  
  
"Does that mean you want to be something?" Asked the blonde teenager once he had recovered from the shock of the kiss.  
  
"To be honest I'm not sure what I want anymore." Harry admitted, before continuing; "You were right about me loving Ginny, but there's someone else I love even more. Virginia may be my girlfriend Draco, but *you're* my world." Top of Form 1 Bottom of Form 1 


	8. Breaking up is hard to do

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited?) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
This one's in Harry's pov for a change (plus it worked better that way).  
  
(Oh, and thanks to all of my reviewers!)  
  
  
  
Chapter 8  
  
It was over a week since Harry and Draco's encounter and the former had yet to tell Ginny that it was over between them. He knew that he had to do it sooner rather than later, but the young wizard just couldn't find the words.  
  
'Why is it,' he wondered, 'that the 12 year old me could save her from an ancient and deadly creature, yet the 17 year old me can't bring myself to end our relationship?' On second thoughts, he knew *exactly* why he couldn't bring himself to do it; a basilisk was one thing, 6 protective older brothers was quite another, especially when one of them was your best friend. It had taken Harry long enough to talk Ron round to the idea of him dating the Weasley's little sister in the first place, so splitting up with her would also mean an end to his and Ron's friendship.  
  
"Our drinks are here Harry." Ginny interupted her boyfriends thoughts as their wild berry-shakes appeared on the table in front of them. It was Saturday afternoon and the young couple were sitting in there favorite Hogsmead cafe (well, technically they were sitting *out*side it, as during the summer months the garden out back served as an extension to 'Amy Briar's Cafe'). Just a few weeks ago, the sun glistening off of Ginny's hereditary red hair and reflecting the golden flecks in her beautiful green eyes would have sparked something deep inside of Harry. But now all that had changed. 'The- boy-who-lived' had realised that he was 'the-boy-who-liked-boys', and that wasn't a revelation that he could ignore. "We need to talk." He said finally.  
  
To his surprise the reply he was given was far from the one he had expected. "How did you...?" "I just realised I couldn't deny it anymore." Harry admitted, slightly shocked. Then his shock turned into mild anger as he added; "How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me?" Ginny was clearly confused. "Known what? What couldn't you deny?" All it took was one look in her eyes for Harry to realise that she really did have no clue as to what it was that he was trying to tell her.  
  
"I'm...Draco's letter..." Harry took a deep breath, then once he had cast a quick privacy charm around their table, he somehow found the words to tell her the truth. "I cast a truth spell on the letter Draco sent me the other week, and it turned out not to be a joke. He really is in-love with me. And the strangest part was that I was glad. No, more than that. I was happy. It was like a light turned on inside of me or something. So I went to see him in his room after breakfast and..." Tears were running down both of their faces as the reality of Harry's confession hit them. "I'm so sorry Virginia."  
  
"Why couldn't you have realised this 2 months ago?" Ginny asked simply, wiping at her tear stained cheek. "What do you mean?" "Exactly what I said. Why couldn't you of decided that you were gay 2 months ago?" "It's not something that I decided. It..." Before he could complete his response, Ginny interupted; "It's too late for excuses Harry. I'm pregnant." 


	9. Twist of Fate

Loving Alone  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. JKR does.  
  
A/N: This is set during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Crabbe's transferred to another wizarding school, and Goyle was killed by a rogue bludger whilst playing Quidditch in the holidays.  
  
This is slightly Harry/Ginny, but also it's (unrequited?) Draco/Harry slash. If you don't like slash, stop reading now. Don't carry on reading & then flame me. Thanks, dramaqueen.  
  
This one's in Harry's pov again.  
  
(Oh, and thanks to all of my reviewers!)  
Chapter 9  
  
Everything was such a mess. The entire school had found out about his new relationship with Draco thanks to an angry, heartbroken Ginny, and as a result he had gone from being (almost) everyone's friend to being public enemy number one. Not that he blamed them for hating him. He hated himself for what he was putting her through. Then of course there was the baby. As yet it was only him and Ginny who knew about it, but they both knew it wouldn't be long before other people started to find out. Hermione was already getting suspicious over their private conversations. After all, when your friends go through such a painful breakup, you don't expect to see them sitting in a corner talking to each other in whispers just a few days later.  
  
It was at times like these when all Harry wanted to do was talk to Ron about what to do. But Ron wasn't talking to him. In fact, he didn't want anything to do with him. Draco wasn't being particularly helpful either. When he wasn't yelling at Harry for 'outing' him to Ginny and therefore the rest of Hogwarts, he was trying (usually successfully) to seduce him. (The last part was the only fun thing in Harry's life at the minute.)  
  
The worst part about all this was the loneliness. Sure, he had Draco, but that was no consolation when all his friends hated him. In a strange twist of fate, Draco was now happy, but Harry was loving alone.  
  
* * * * *  
  
I know that this one was really short, but I couldn't think of what to write! 


End file.
